CAUTION: I HEARTFULLY APOLOGISE FOR ALL THE DRAMA THAT IS WRITTEN BELOW. BUT, I REALLY NEEDED TO PEN THIS DOWN SO AS TO FIND WHAT I EXACTLY DESIRE FOR. YOU MAY STOP READING WHEREVER YOU FEEL THINGS ARE GETTING BEYOND YOUR TOLERANCE LEVEL.
Life is so weird, right? Or maybe I am the weird one looking at life weirdly. Life is a never-ending topic and everybody have different perception and definition of life. Now, this blog post is absolutely not about life. It is about the CHANGE…Things have changed in the past few months for me. I recently did a life update blog post and mentioned everything that’s keeping me alive these days.
There are two reasons I am writing this post. The first and the most obvious reason is that I wanted to share. Secondly, while I pen down these thoughts I really want to discover what made me change so instantly. Everything was so spontaneous that I did not have the tiniest amount of time to think over it. Jotting all this down might help.
So, while looking at my old pictures I discovered some random unknown changes in me. Like, I literally saw myself changing and it disgusted me like anything. From a HAPPY-PUPPY I turned into a booby person with disturbing thoughts banging my head all the time. Also, this transformation did not help me in any way. I was a blogger back then too. Things were as messed as they are right now. The only change that came is I have stopped hanging out with my friends. I mean not really stopped, but it is as rare as rain in New Delhi. My face looks weird, my eyes feel tired and I look all dull from top to bottom. Also, the frequency of me getting irritated has subsequently increased. I get irritated even on the tiniest and weirdest issue.
Now, I accept the fact that I always wanted some change. Obviously, who doesn’t want a sorted life? Everybody loves living a life that has a sense of peace, happiness, and love, I was no different from the crowd. I brought changes to my attitude and habits thinking it would help me sort things out. Unfortunately, no mess cleared. I am standing with the same mess but I am no more the same individual.
Lately, I was having a hard time loving and accepting my own self. Now I have somewhat discovered the reason behind it and I feel guilty for myself. I feel guilty because I did that to me. I really feel like I am one of those highly unsatisfied humans, constantly complaining and demanding. When I was the person I desire now, I was unsatisfied. Now, when I became the person I wanted to be back then, I am still unsatisfied. I seriously feel like clapping for my brain.
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